Less is More | Journal Entry

Dear Foolys,

I was laying down in the dark thinking about the past, present, and future. Mostly the future thoe. I have this debilitating guilt every time I’m not doing something “productive”. I know I need to rest but it’s always been difficult for me to view the act of resting as productive. I understand why that is, especially when I reflect on my childhood, but it only alleviates the guilt temporarily. Truth is, I also have a long to-do list. “Why am I resting?” I ask myself. So now this guilt is intensified. I feel guilty for resting and because I haven’t crossed anything off from my to-do list. I try to tell myself, “Foo stop being a weenie and just do it”. Something holds me back. Maybe it is because I am dopamine depleted or maybe I just need to shorten my to-do list. I am a chronic procrastinator too. Foo I want to be able to kickback and relax without feeling guilty. 

That was the battle in my head while I stared at the ceiling. I kept asking myself, “Should I shorten my to-do list or just say fuck it and grind?” I remember from late 2019 to late 2022, I was chasing success, fame, material items, and attention. I was on one. I was working harder than ever before. It was the perfect storm too. I was working part time, working on starting 5 businesses, drowning the pain with alcohol, and receiving that attention I desperately wanted. I felt like I was doing what I was born to do. But life had other plans. I got burnt out in early 2023 and had to rethink some things. I stopped working on creating content. I was ready to give everything up. I even wiped my Youtube channel from anything non-music related. That’s when I heard the quote, “Less is More”. 

Interesting quote. If you think about it logically, it doesn’t make sense. How is having more the same as having less? It’s one of those quotes that makes you think outside the box. What does that mean for me? It means that less things to worry about means more time to worry about what matters. Less friends = more quality time with the homies. Less work = more time to focus on my art. Most importantly, instead of trying to start multiple businesses, just focus on one. I had to choose. I chose me. I had to put a pause on starting a record label, gaming clan, clothing brand, and a Marketing agency. Years later, I find myself in a similar situation. It is time to take some items off my to-do list. Time to lock in. 

Some of those tasks on my to-do list revolve around creating content. The music, podcast, stream, photography projects, vlogs, blogs, poetry, etc. I came to the realization that I don’t want to do most of these things anymore. However, just because most of these things don’t align with me right now, doesn’t mean I can’t continue them in the future. They are not time sensitive. I’ll be honest with you, I have a hard time quitting anything. I don’t want to feel like a failure. I have to remind myself that I didn’t fail. It’s hard because I did, at one point, visualize myself doing big things with my content. A part of me feels like I wasted time, energy, and money just for me to not continue working on these projects. I feel like I’m abandoning that part of me that got excited when visualizing a future where I got recognized and rewarded for my content. For example, I saw myself hosting my podcast in person and having thousands of viewers / listeners. I saw myself doing magazines and books of my photography. I saw myself doing poetry readings and open mics. Book clubs, entrepreneurship meetings, Marketing & Branding seminars, etc. All those dreams no longer excite me. I can’t fake it 'til I make it.

The main one I am removing from my to-do list is the podcast. I enjoy recording it and having conversations with people. I don’t find joy in editing it. I dread it. I have 2 episodes in the chamber I have been putting off for months. I also cringe at listening and watching myself talk on camera. I get into my head and get frustrated when I see myself take over the conversation or if I overshare. I be telling myself, “Foo shut the fuck up already and let the guest talk.” I’ve gotten better at it over the years but it still feels weird seeing and hearing myself on camera. I can always continue the podcast in the future. Like I mentioned before, the podcast is not a time sensitive project. I’ll still leave the episodes available online so people can continue to tune in. 

My photography projects will also happen less frequently. I had the luxury of time in previous years that allowed me to do these projects. Similarly, vlogging isn’t a priority for me either. If the opportunity comes around, I’ll record one. I don’t have any missions planned, I’m just going with the flow. Poem ideas come and go. The only reason I’m doing “Journal Entries” on my blog is because it allows me to put out content without having to set up any cameras or mics. Even then, I don’t see myself doing these “Journal Entries” regularly. I’ll probably only write something if I have something to say. Music has my full attention again.

At this stage in my life, I just want to work on music. Studying Marketing & Branding for a couple of years put me on a trajectory that added more tasks on my schedule that I no longer want to focus on. Shifting my mindset from rapper to content creator was fun. I learned a lot about social media, branding, photography, videography, blogging, and starting a business. However, none of those bring me joy as much as making music does. 

I stared at the ceiling for a while and I fell asleep with this thought and decision still in mind. I had a plan.

- Othree

(Don’t forget to love yourself today)